Okay, this is pretty private for me but I'm sharing because I need support :) I talked to Rick and he understood, but I'm just wondering how anyone else would feel.
Rick and I have decided that 4 kids is our limit. In pregnancies, c-sections, and our house, and we feel like our family is complete after this. My mom asked if that wouldn't make me a little sad and I said, "Not yet." Well, today I had a little sad hit me. I went to a doctor appointment and we talked about how I would schedule my c-section at my next appointment. Yeah! Then I asked about having my tubes tied while he was already in there. He said he's great with that because 4 c-sections is enough for my body. Then I signed some forms saying I asked for one and went home. I was feeling pretty sick today for some reason and it wasn't until later in the day that my thoughts have been consumed with it. "Charlie" seems to sense something and has been especially active which makes me feel a little sad thinking about this being the last one. I really do feel like I can't handle another pregnancy and that we're a good sized family so why am I sad? Hormones most likely, but also because so much of the last 6 years of my life have been focused on having babies. Actually more than that because I went through fertility stuff before I got pregnant with Carlyn.
Most of my friends who have blogs are still in the baby making years so maybe you can't relate, so if not, how do you think you'll feel when you have decided you're done? I've felt really content until today :)
For a little chuckle after a serious moment, Annie was folding washcloths the other day. She does a good job and loves it. I hadn't even asked her to so I told her I was so proud of her for doing it. She grinned and said, "Yeah. Now I'm a teenager!" What a funny little girl.
8 comments:
*hugs* Bonny! I ended up in the hospital with 2 of my pregnancies, and ALL of them have me too sick to function and take care of my family the way I should. Dave and I decided that we were done, not only because I get so sick, but also because we have 7 and can't fit another in our car lol. I honestly felt/feel very good about our decision, but there are moments of sadness. Sometimes I've wondered if I'm being selfish, but I know that I can take better care of the children I have, and I can also take care of other peoples kids, nieces and nephews, neighbors etc. I just realized I'm not offering much comfort, just telling my story lol My point, you have nearly 4 :) precious little ones to take care of, and you need to be able to take care of them. You know what's right for your body and your family. There of course will be moments, but there are moments with most anything that we choose in life. You're a great mom....you love and take care of your children....you don't need a dozen of them to prove that! hehe :) Just call or mail me when you're feeling sad....that's what friends are for. :) love you!
I can imagine when I get to the point of being "done" that I will feel sad. I am sure that lots of people would feel the same way. I am sure that you are sad from hormones and also because of all the joy that our children bring to us. We love our children and have more than enough love to go around, but we also can come to know as a couple and with the Spirit what is best for our family. I have no doubt that you and Rick have put a lot of thought into this decision and that the Lord will support you. Those 4 children will continue to be a great source of happiness for you and you and Rick will be immense blessings to them as parents!
In a nutshell, I don't think that your feelings are unusual, but I do think that you can think back to the peace you've felt with the decision that you've made and trust that it will be OK.
By the way, 4 is a great size for a family. (That is, more or less, our plan as well.)
Bonny, Ryan and I have decided we're done and it does in a way make me sad. But I also know what my limits are and when I've reached them. If we didn't feel some sort of remorse we wouldn't be true mothers. You always know that even if you had one more you'd still always love them and make the room, but everyone has to stop when they feel done. Hugs to you in your little time of saddness ;-).
Beautiful post Bonny.
I talk about this alot with my family & friends. I always say that I can't imagine the day when I will feel "done". Or when the old factory shuts down, whichever comes first...
But, for us, that means we are not done. Not that is necessarily the formula to go by, but it's ours. My Mom, who had 9 (with no intentions of originally having a large family) said she 100% KNEW in her pregnancy with me (the last) that she was done. Not a doubt.
(I also second Marinda's thoughts. You and Rick will make the right decision and only you two know.)
I'm not much help in this area, but I wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. I think we will have one more and be done at 4 too, not that I'm expecting right now or anything. I've wondered how I will be at that point too. I think I'll probably feel sad as well, child bearing has been pretty much all we have know for the last 6 years or so. Keep us posted and thanks for sharing with us.
Thanks everyone for your sweet comments! I do feel good about the decision. I get sick enough during my pregnancies that I never want to do it again. I see my sweet children everyday though and know that I'm blessed to have them. I'm content with that but it does make me sad that it is my last. My mom was right! :)
I am right there with you on this one. We feel DONE. I don't know how my body would handle another pregancy either, or how my sanity would handle another child. We feel really good about our family size right now, but I definitely have those baby hungry moments, and sad thoughts about Cate being the last who is almost 3. All I can say is pray. There's no magic number or method just what works for you in your situation and with the children you have. No one knows that better than the Lord and your "gut." Chris and I decided that if we ever feel the need for more, then there is always adoption. There are so many kids out there without a good home.
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